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Cut Steve's Blatherings

Sunday, April 17, 2005

New Terrorist Group

      The following was reported by Jon Carroll of the San Fancisco Chronicle:

      The following is the first communique from a group calling itself Unitarian Jihad.  It was sent to me at The Chronicle via an anonymous spam remailer.  I have no idea whether other news organizations have received this communique, and, if so, why they have not chosen to print it.  Perhaps they fear starting a panic.  I feel strongly that the truth, no matter how alarming, trivial or disgusting, must always be told.  I am pleased to report that the words below are at least not disgusting:

      Greetings to the Imprisoned Citizens of the United States.  We are Unitarian Jihad.  There is only God, unless there is more than one God.  The vote of our God subcommittee is 10-8 in favor of one God, with two abstentions.  Brother Flaming Sword of Moderation noted the possibility of there being no God at all, and his objection was noted with love by the secretary.

      Greetings to the Imprisoned Citizens of the United States!  Too long has your attention been waylaid by the bright baubles of extremist thought.  Too long have fundamentalist yahoos of all religions (except Buddhism -- 14-5 vote, no abstentions, fundamentalism subcommittee) made your head hurt.  Too long have you been buffeted by angry people who think that God talks to them.  You have a right to your moderation!  You have the power to be calm!  We will use the IED of truth to explode the SUV of dogmatic expression!

[snip]

      We are Unitarian Jihad.  We are everywhere.  We have not been born again, nor have we sworn a blood oath.  We do not think that God cares what we read, what we eat or whom we sleep with.  Brother Neutron Bomb of Serenity notes for the record that he does not have a moral code but is nevertheless a good person, and Unexalted Leader Garrote of Forgiveness stipulates that Brother Neutron Bomb of Serenity is a good person, and this is to be reflected in the minutes.

[snip]

      People of the United States!  We are Unitarian Jihad!  We can strike without warning.  Pockets of reasonableness and harmony will appear as if from nowhere!  Nice people will run the government again!  There will be coffee and cookies in the Gandhi Room after the revolution.

      Full message available at the link above.  The snipped portions are just as terrifyingly fanatical.

      Worse, they are recruiting members openly here.  Someone needs to put a stop to this.

      Be on guard.

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